Ineffable Ontological Detanglement .: Introspective Assistance & Mental Analysis Manual
Society wants to call this the saddest and most pathetic of the avoidance methods. No, it's just the best one, it's just the most effective one. The saddest and most pathetic one is eating. I'm going to put this one at third saddest and most pathetic. As the best one, it is more or less the most difficult to escape. On the one hand, it's the easiest one to notice yourself doing... On the other hand, you have chemical dependency.
You know when you think to yourself "I don't even want to do this today, but I'm going to do it anyway" that this is you. No, that is not simply the nature of addiction. That's not why the chemical wants to lock your mind and body. The chemical probably knows that a lot of you are going to do this and the chemical probably doesn't really care, but that's not what the chemical wants. The chemical simply wants you to become it.
When the desire to dry out for awhile is more powerful than the desire to take the drug, and yet you know you're taking the drug, you have an incorrect addiction. Your personal desires always outweigh any and all chemical dependency. It's just a little feeling like garbage for awhile, it's fine. You have one extra dimension of feeling like garbage that you know makes it not fine.
Don't run from your problems right into the methamphetamine injection life lock or the ketamine blur yourself into an erased human life lock. Neither of those are escapable. You're done.
I judge you. I do. But... I can judge society harder for you. The reason you are refusing to look at your problems is largely due to what society has done to you with the concept of problems. You're fucking pathetic, you have problems. In some cultures you know you're fucking WEEEEEEIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRD for having problems. Nah. It's just life. Sometimes it does sad things to you. Sometimes you do stupid things to it. Get over it you're fine.